My family and I spent last weekend in Newark, NJ.
Some families go to the beach. We spent 30+ hours inside the Prudential Center. (That’s a different and amazing story of its own.) As reputations go, Newark doesn’t have a good one. Crime, poverty, homelessness and so on.
Perfect spot for an Airbnb, right? Who wouldn’t choose 3 bedrooms, full kitchen, washer, dryer, etc. over a standard hotel room?! I’m not sure my family agreed.
We exit the highway, dodge a few people just walking down the centre of the off ramp 😬 and spend the next many miles passing shipping containers, giant trucks (and most certainly a few dead bodies). That’s okay because our Airbnb is miles away from here.
We get closer. It doesn’t get much better.
More dark alleys, more abandoned buildings, more police cars. Not a problem. Our place got good reviews. When we’re 2 or 3 streets away, our car can barely make it through the crowded streets, not for city congestion but because there seems to be a police car, on every corner, lights flashing (no joke). I wish I had this all on video but I was too nervous at the time to find it amusing.
I’m JUST about to call the Holiday Inn when we find our spot.
The only building on the street with a driveway. Check!
The tidiest driveway and outside area. You could eat off the stairs leading to the apartment. Check!
Walk up the whitest painted stairs and open the door to find the cutest, coziest Airbnb I’ve ever stayed in. Check! And a little hallelujah 🙂
We had a wonderful stay. Our host was lovely. The neighbourhood was lovely, too. We walked to a local grocery that had all kinds of fun Portuguese delicacies.
We ate at an amazing restaurant on our last night, steps from our cozy apartment. And the people we spoke to were disappointed to hear our Uber drivers had not-so-good things to say about the area where apparently, there has been a revitalization.
What’s the lesson here?
No matter how much we think we know…we know nothing, really.
Expectations are a powerful human tool.
They help us set standards and live up to them.
They give us a level of certainty that leads to progress.
In 1954, Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute mile – the first in human history. Before that no one expected a human could do it. That same year, 2 more people did it. The following year, 11 more. Today…more than 500 runners do it every year.
Expectations raise standards. And they limit new experiences.
When we’re certain, we filter our attention. We miss things. We distort information. We generalize.
How?
- Confirmation bias: We tend to notice things that match our existing beliefs and dismiss contradictory information
- Risk aversion: When we expect negative outcomes, we often avoid trying new things altogether (Sorry, Newark!)
- Self-fulfilling prophecies: Our expectations can unconsciously influence our behavior and create the very outcomes we anticipated…and no new ones.
- Perceptual filters: Expectations shape how we interpret experiences, potentially causing us to miss novel aspects or opportunities.
- Social constraints: Cultural and societal expectations can make us hesitant to step outside conventional boundaries.
Expectations are a powerful human tool – one to handle with care.
Curiosity is a powerful antidote to any sense of absolute rightness.
Maybe expectation AND curiosity together are the answer.
Until next time, lovely Newark neighbourhood,
Mary
