When you think about the moments of the most growth and progress in your life, is it the wins?
It hit me between the eyes twice in the last month, both because I’m surrounded by teenagers.
One – on a rare occasion where my 19-year-old son and I were talking about limiting beliefs. (Thank you Tony Robbins, our trip to Newark and 30+ hours immersed in all things human potential, with self reflection exercises followed by organized sharing moments.)
He shared his biggest doubt, and incredibly, it was identical to one I wrote for myself. When I shared this with him, he said: “Mom, when I think about someone I envy for having it all figured out, who makes things happen…it’s you.”
Holy hedgehogs, what a moment. To see myself through his eyes and to feel a massive gulf between what he sees and what I know to be true. He sees today’s version – not the whole story.
He’s missing the lowlights, which we know are actually the highlights.
I was smart enough, lazy and distracted as all get out in high school. I spent more time with my friends than in class. I flunked grade 11 English, Chemistry and French (the first 3 periods of the day). I literally stood up at the front of class to give a book report, having NO clue what actually happened in the book. Who does that?
I barely graduated and community college was my only option. I was 21 before I found my footing, a 4-year degree program and a semblance of self-discipline.
Just last weekend, I shared these stories with my daughter and her friend. Later, my daughter told me her friend found comfort in knowing my messy past – she’d been wrestling with focus and commitment herself.
What a shame these kids – and let’s face it, most adults too – walk around thinking everyone else has it figured out. That their struggles are somehow permanent, defining.
When you think about the best things you can do to support, coach and mentor others, the tales from your lowlight reel hold all the magic. No one wants to hear you were a soccer prodigy.
As for me today, I think I’ll tell my team about the time me and my friends broke into our elementary school and stole some art supplies, the library money and candy. I can remember the bags hanging off the back of my bike, loaded with pipe cleaners, popsicle sticks and glue.
Let’s hear it for the lowlights!!
Mary
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