The Third Side

Today feels like the right time to pick a side.  Most people I know have done so already.

Some are more vocal than others. Many keep their views to themselves. Others do the opposite and are routinely and unknowingly blocked on social media for it.

I know this because I do it myself, just this weekend, in fact. 

At a Valentine’s themed bridal shower in Wyckoff, NJ, surrounded by pink paper hearts and pretty gauzy things, I connected with an old friend. 

The usual updates about life and family. A brief reference to the world today, a hesitation, eyes scanning for anyone within earshot. A flash of uncertainty on her face. How much can she share? And the camaraderie once we softened into our shared views. 

In Davos, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney referenced a story from Václav Havel, the Czech dissident who later became president. Havel told a story about a grocer who hung a political slogan in his shop window. He did it to signal compliance. To keep him safe.

It’s a passport to protection in a world where dissent has consequences.

Gulp. How many of us are posting our own signs every day when we say nothing? Sometimes the most powerful form of agreement is what we tolerate by saying nothing. 

That sign haunts me. An inconvenient reminder of my responsibility.

It’s easier to stay quiet. To share only in the circles of agreement.

The truth is…

I don’t like conflict.

I want to find common ground.

I want to see the good intentions.

Build from a place of abundance.

Trust that we all want the same thing, even if we have different ways of getting there. 

I want to understand. To be open to other perspectives.

Discuss important issues from a place of curiosity, not righteousness. 

I don’t want to argue. And I’m not interested in ‘winning’ the debate.  And so it’s easier not to have one in the first place.

Thanks to Mark Carney, Davos, Havel, and that damn sign, I’m picking a side.

In November 2024, after the U.S. election, I wrote a piece called What If I Didn’t Pick Sides? Consider this my answer.

  • Every human life has equal value. No passport, border, title, or bank account makes one beating heart worth more than another.
  • Resources are finite. Time. Money. Land. Attention. We use them with stewardship, not entitlement.
  • Power requires restraint.
  • Abundance is a strategy. Fear shrinks decisions. Optimism builds solutions.
  • Economic systems should reward innovation, hard work, and responsible growth. When businesses grow, jobs grow, communities grow, opportunities grow.
  • Prosperity is not something to apologize for. It funds schools, healthcare, infrastructure, innovation, and hope.
  • No one gets everything. No one should get nothing.
  • Compromise is not weakness. It is how complex systems function.
  • Disagreement is inevitable. Dehumanization is a choice.
  • If we benefit from a system, we share responsibility for improving it.
  • The measure of any system is how it treats the most vulnerable.

In nature, the lion sits at the top of the food chain.

It does not kill everything in sight. It takes what it needs.

Its strength maintains balance in the ecosystem.

Strength is stewardship. That’s the side I’m choosing.

Let’s call it the third side.


 

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 Mary

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