I want to write something beautiful this week.
And I want to do it without sounding cliché, or poetic, or Hallmark about it.
That’s the trouble, isn’t it?
Only the very best writers can capture the human experience without skipping along the surface, clinging to platitudes.
In my heart, I can feel it.
Can my words deliver?
Here goes…
It starts in February of 2011. It’s winter here. It’s cold outside with snow on the ground. We’re driving out into the country with the kids, each bundled up with hats and mitts and shiny red cheeks peering out at us from the back seat.
The energy in the car feels like Christmas morning. Our next stop, the sweet little farmhouse of a dog breeder. A breeder of doodles. The very best dogs on the planet bred for beautiful dispositions and the promise of clean floors and lint-free leggings.
We said we were just going to ‘look’ at the dogs, knowing deep down, we were coming home with our first real family pet.
All these cute puppies are scurrying around our feet. Each one of us is marking a different one. The job of deciding who was coming home with us.
That’s when she rolled up on my feet. This cute little, white fluff ball.
We named her Georgie.
She barfed and pooped in the car on the way home.
Never really liked the car after that.
I’m pretty sure she loved everything else about our family, our home, our friends, and our magical little life in the suburbs of Toronto.
In a million years, at that moment, I could not have seen what we’d be facing almost 15 years later.
What is that about the human brain? We’re so deep in the moment – building, expanding, living – that we rarely pause to picture the end. Maybe that’s by design.
She followed us to soccer games
Gave us a reason to walk in the park
Sweetness to melt your heart
She had Ninja-like precision when it came to unwrapping baked goods, eating them whole, leaving the Saran and foil intact.
I think she grew opposable thumbs just when we left the house.
Easier company than pretty much any human or animal on the planet
Our friends folded her into their lives
the ones who fed her all manner of cured meats,
our camping buddies, who walked her through the woods,
and loved all over her by the campfire
She loved you right back.
Her perfect record was tarnished only by a single unfortunate incident with a bunny in the backyard one day.
Annihilated by a giant, fluffy, walking stuffed animal.
Sorry, bunny. Nature’s wild. 🥴
For you dog lovers out there
Is there anything better than the greeting you get
every. single. time. you walk through the front door??!!
She gave us everything and took nothing
And so it goes with life…
She started to slow down.
Walks weren’t as fast or as long.
We’d leave her home more often because she was less comfortable.
We put a mat at the bottom of the stairs, so she could get leverage for her first step up.
Then she couldn’t do the stairs at all.
We started carrying her, up and down, in and out of the house.
We lifted her off her bed. Picked her up when her legs couldn’t support her.
Put her food on a foot stool so it was easier for her to reach.
Tried all the meds and the pain killers.
Loved her to the moon.
Maybe the most beautiful part of it all was also the hardest part.
The moment she got the sedative to calm her.
The panting stopped.
Her body relaxed.
She was breathing softly.
And we could touch her without her body flinching.
Because she didn’t feel pain anymore.
I could feel my own nervous system calm down.
Feeling the peace in it.
I wish she were here today. And I think she’d live forever for us, if it were her choice. The thing we could do for her, was let her go.
And here it hits me
As our kids reach 18 and 20 years old
That sweet, sweet Georgie is our mascot for the most beautiful, magical time in our life.
This little pocket of time we got to:
Raise our kids
Become a camping family
A sports family
A social family with friends all around us
And the day we let her go because her beautiful soul outlived the limits of her body, we let go of that time.
I don’t have much experience with this feeling.
I’m floundering a bit.
Where do you put this?
How do you reason with it?
Make it go away?
I’m learning, I don’t think you can.
We write for ourselves.
We write to share.
We write because we can’t hold onto it.
I hope in this process, I honour her.
Right up there with Jordan and Gretzky, she really was the GOAT.
Georgie, our life was a million times better with you in it. You are a family. You are love and light. Even in your death, you are my teacher.
For anyone reading this, I hope you love this big and hurt this much. It’s THE MOST human of experiences.
New to One Thing Thursdays?
Each week, I share something I’m learning, living, or working out in real time. It’s part storytelling, part reflection. I hope there’s something in it for you too.
Mary
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