I read somewhere a CEO answers somewhere between 50 and 200+ questions a day. Exhausted yet?
I mean, this is a sign of a highly engaged individual doing important work in the world, but answering this many questions leads to all kinds of energy-draining, capacity-crushing outcomes. Namely, decision fatigue. Every time we make a decision, we use mental energy.
It’s the YES questions that piqued my interest lately. Chris Voss talks a lot about this in his experience as a hostage negotiator.
The downside of YES
Cognitive Load: Each “yes” can add to our cognitive load — the amount of information we track. This accumulation can be mentally taxing.
Ego Depletion: This psychological theory suggests that self control uses a limited pool of mental resources. Constantly saying “yes” may deplete this resource faster.
Opportunity Cost: Every “yes” implicitly means saying “no” to something else, which can create stress about missed opportunities or time for self-care.
Social Expectations: In many cultures, there’s an expectation to be agreeable, which can pressure individuals into saying “yes” more often than they’d like. Voss says people are much more comfortable saying “No” than “Yes”.
“No” is protective: it’s a way for people to feel safe and in control. It’s a shield against making commitments.
What to do with this information? Aim for NO, not YES.
- This makes the other party feel more in control and less pressured.
- NO is less committal than YES, which puts people in a more comfortable state.
- Respect NO when it happens. Work with it vs. fighting it, which leads to trust and rapport.
NO questions that lead to YES
- “Would it be a ridiculous idea to…?”
“No, it wouldn’t be ridiculous,” opening the door to further discussion.
- “Is it a bad time to talk about…?”
If they say “No, it’s not a bad time,” they’ve indirectly agreed to have the conversation.
- “Have you given up on…?”
This can provoke a “No” response that reaffirms commitment to a goal or idea.
- “Do you disagree that…?”
This allows the other person to confirm agreement by saying “No, I don’t disagree.”
- “Are you against considering…?”
A “No” response indicates openness to at least consider an idea.
I know all of this is semantics and may seem a bit sneaky, but what we’re actually trying to do is get people into a more comfortable frame of mind for a productive discussion.
Think about…
- The team member who’s struggling to adopt a new way of thinking
- The prospect you know would benefit from your solution to their problem
- The teenager who really should know to clean up her own dishes
Now…is it totally ridiculous to think you might forward this newsletter to someone who might enjoy it?
